HOW SHOULD WE DEAL WITH CHURCH CONFLICT?

THE TRAGEDY OF CHURCH CONFLICT AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

I have a book on my shelf entitled, HANDBOOK OF DENOMINATIONS IN THE UNITED STATES, by Frank S. Mead. The book contains information on over two hundred separate denominations in the U.S. alone.

Among the Methodist groups we find eleven distinct denominations, including the Christian Methodist Church, Free Methodist Church, Primitive Methodist Church and United Methodist Church. It sounds as if the Methodists have a problem getting along with each other. But wait, the Baptists appear even more divided with twenty-seven Baptist denominations. Among them are: the American Baptist Churches/U.S.A.; the Baptist General Conference; Free Will Baptist; Southern Baptist Convention, etc.

I imagine that when denominations split, oftentimes for unnecessary reasons, that it grieves Jesus, who is the Head of the Church. In Matt 26:18 Jesus said, “I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” Notice He didn’t say that He would build over two hundred denominations that are working separately, wasting resources, and setting a bad example for the world.

Did you know that Jesus actually prayed for us believers living in the 21st century? As Jesus was about to be arrested he prayed in John 17:20-21 “I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message (that’s us that he is talking about and the message is the Word of God), that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” Notice that he prayed for unity and suggests that to the extent there is disunity in the church, the world has another excuse to reject the idea that God has sent Jesus in to the world?

Let me tell you about my experience in a cult called the Worldwide Church of God. Its leader, Herbert W. Armstrong, who referred to himself as the “God’s end time Apostle,” ruled from his spacious fourth floor office in the Hall of Administration Building on the campus of Ambassador College in Pasadena, California. Like most cult leaders, he was an ambitious, hard-charging, overbearing leader who imposed his will on his church members and expected loyalty, above all. 

He referred to himself as God’s “end-time Apostle” who demanded unquestioned loyalty. He largely isolated himself from church members, seldom interacting with them. We seldom saw him on campus except when he would enter the auditorium just before he was to speak, and he would leave as soon as he was done, before the end of the service. As in any cult there was great pressure to conform. Unity through uniformity with total loyalty to him was Armstrong’s goal. Everyone was pressured to dress in a similar fashion, think alike, and in speech classes, I was always criticized because I talked to fast and had a Bostonian accent. Sounds kind of silly, doesn’t it?

Now, you don’t have to be in a cult to experience cult-like leadership. We see it in other organizations, such as the military, the business community and elsewhere.

Armstrong’s solution to those who were more independent than he liked was to condemn them for having a “bad attitude” (this was one of his favorite terms), for rebelling against God’s chosen servant. This would result in destroying careers. I heard him denounce someone from the pulpit and announce that the member had been disfellowshiped. This struck fear into the hearts of anyone else who might think of questioning him. 

There has been and always will be conflict in the church. Just read the early chapters of I Corinthians. We are all flawed human beings who sometimes do or say things that may offend others. Jesus said that if someone offends you, we should “turn the other cheek” or simply let it pass. Rather than do this, we sometimes nurse grudges, avoid certain people in church (sit on the opposite side of the aisle, avoid a certain class, etc) and sometimes we bad-mouth them to others, creating disunity in the congregation. Sometimes we should just let minor offenses/slights go.

Think of the churches in this community over the past decade or two. It seems as if some of them have been taking turns having internal disputes and conflicts which have resulted in loss of membership with some turning their backs on the church altogether. How many of these conflicts were over serious doctrinal issues?  How many of them were simply personality clashes which were handled poorly, leaving people confused and hurt? And when you move to another church, expecting things to be different, you will probably find, in time, the same problems. We find the same thing because we are all flawed human beings and sooner or later there will be conflict. I’ve abandoned the illusion that there is a perfect church out there.

So let’s talk about how we should handle conflicts in a Christian manner to maintain, as best we can, the unity that Jesus prayed for us. 

Let’s imagine that you have an “issue” with someone in the church. Matt 18:15 Jesus tells us that if a brother “shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”

Notice, it says that if you have an issue with someone, you are to “go and tell him.” Rather than going to the individual, I’ve read that Armstrong would summon people to his office, and surrounded by all of the trappings of power and authority, intimidate and bully the offender into submission.

Jesus also said that the meeting should be, “between you and him alone.” By bringing in others on the first visit you risk tarnishing a person’s reputation. The goal should be to resolve any problems or perceived problems between the two of you.

Another point that I get from this passage is that you should go to someone with one issue, as it surfaces, not wait until you have a big bag of issues to dump on him. Don’t you think that if you are really interested in resolving an issue and maintaining unity that you would go to that person, in private and talk about one issue at a time and if you did you would be more successful? Wouldn’t this lead to fewer sleepless nights and less emotional trauma everyone involved?

If any conflict between members of the church is handled poorly, it will just cause more conflict and disunity. Armstrong won most of his battles, but he ultimately lost the war in a major split in the church in the 1970’s.

I’d like to make a comment concerning when these actions should take place. We are told in Heb. 10:24-25 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-all the more as you see the Day approaching.” When we attend church we seek to create the proper setting for worship with music and warm greetings. We should look forward to coming to church. Any conflicts that we have should be handled at some other time during the week. 

If there is not peace and unity in a church, the congregation will repel outsiders from coming. The world is watching us. There are people in this community who are hurting, dealing with one crisis or another. 

Let’s seek peace and unity, setting an example for each other and those who are seeking comfort and guidance. The place for them to find comfort and guidance should be the church.

John 13:35 “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Ps 133:1 “How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity”